new years heartbreak

last night she had the chance to kiss me at midnight and turned her cheek.
She kissed another man later that night instead of me.
I don't know what else to say.
I don't know what else to do.
please help me.
The crushing weight of her hate burns through my soul.

Falling

She said if I didn't get my act together, that she would leave me in a year. It has been over a year and so it looks as if I am on borrowed time. I still have a monstrous collection of games.
I still don't put away laundry(other than my own), although I do wash and fold all of it. She said what's more important those games or me? If she has to ask, perhaps she doesn't think that much of herself and it is truly a self image problem. Her health issues continue to torture her.
She says communication is the key, and I guess I have been trying to communicate more, but I am simply not a phone person. Matt, who should have been my best man at my wedding, is definitely a phone person. He talked my parents ears off again for over an hour the other day.
I text her more than ever, she has the propensity for violence when I don't.

I love to play games, why can't she see that it has value to me to be able to play games. She is constantly on me to behave like an adult with the children, but if I do how will they know how to be children? She missed out on her childhood, and that's heartbreaking, why would I want our children to miss out on theirs? Our Oldest Daughter Jeanne has begun to play games with me.
In my youth it was what we did, my brothers and I. When will I ever grow up says the wife.
Hopefully never if I have to turn into a curmudgeon like her.

The Fall of the West

The "Scientists" theorized on the effect of the fallout on Hawaii and California. Gaddafi flaunted his insolence against a united UN. The Japanese economy plummeted in a spiral while the US economy started to show signs of recovery. They launched hundreds of missiles on Gaddafi's war torn nation. All of this went unnoticed in the children's room. They slept blissfully unaware of the horrors which gripped Japan and would soon grip all of North America.

When The first quakes hit Japan there was a Tsunami the likes of which hadn't been seen. The casualty estimates started to come in. 200, 500, 1000 and nearing 10,000. The Nuclear reactors started to fail, one by one. Millions without food, water or shelter, with radiation levels in some areas approaching critical. Sub zero temperatures.

Some prophesied that this was the beginning of the end.

the end of the world as we know it.

I don't feel fine.
I feel crushed.
why Me?
Why now?
Why will her crushing burning knifing hatred of me never end?
she used to love me,
she prommised as long as we both shall live,
and now she has the unmitigated grinding gall to say that word which I dislike so much,
The word i don't believe in.
she pushes me away when i ask to go to therpy,
she uses every excuse to pull away and it hurts me like a fire.
she won't try and save fifteen years of the best time of my life.
My time with her has been the best,
she wants to end it,
it's like ending me.
She's killing me,
but not gently.
With a spoon so it hurts more.

so

I asked the rose when she would be departing Missery.
her response was Never.
I worry that she will never return home and am inconsoleable.
Wollowing in missery i prepare to go to work.

I continue to miss the perfection mark

this weekend I went 2-0-1 with epic avoidance battles against Vampire Counts, Lizardmen, and a draw by 2 models, arrrggghhh, against the hated daemons, so close and yet so far, tied for third, when will I break the glass cieling which holds me down. It is the same interviewing for a job, I go, and work so hard to get to my gosl, I know where I want to be and yet somehow never get to the desired destination. Hosted at the house this weekend classics like Ra, Formula De and BSG hit the table, Dorry brought the most delicious sandwiches from Larrys subs.
Working 7 days a week sucks.......

the end of the begining.

"darkness, imprissoning me all that I see, absolute horror." as I hung upside-down, glass, broken, wet blocking my right eye. Blood. Stuck, smoke, where? HELPLESS, dizzy, what was I doing? Trapped, what's holding me? tight against my chest and pain thickening inside and out. Unbuckle my seatbelt, fall heavily to the roof of my car. Struggle to get free, out cutting myself repeatedly metal plastic and glass. I don't feel anything only the sound of Mettalica "left me with life in hell." Crawling frantically out battered, bruised, spent
into open air, grass, rubber. Where? Clumsy, stumbling, out farther, Help?
It's afternoon, I remember, I think, So much for my hot date. I had a date. Ow. What was her name? Ow.
Tired, hot unconcious.